Peeter Sauter’s “Don’t Leave Me Alone” (2023, original: “Sa pead kedagi teenima” 2016[1]) is a raw, unvarnished glimpse into a volatile relationship between Peeter (the narrator-protagonist and the author’s fictionalized self) and Laura, his wife who is 20 years his junior. Sauter, who could be called Estonia’s version of Charles Bukowski[2], writes in his trademark confessional, naïvist style a deeply personal story which is both heart-breakingly ugly and tender. The story also includes an array of eccentric characters almost all of whom are famous Estonian cultural figures.
Sauter’s writing is at once philosophical and mundane. He masterfully elevates small, everyday occurrences into reflections on larger existential questions. Through Peeter’s spiraling thoughts and armchair philosophy, the novel explores life’s paradoxes and absurdities. The tension between independence and community runs as a central theme. The protagonist often yearns for closeness and his description of the community life in the poor writers’ house is among the most endearing in the text. At the same time, he seems resigned to his own aloneness, deeply unsure of the possibility of enduring intimacy. The result is a portrait of a man caught between his conflicting desires for togetherness and independence.
The relationship between Peeter and Laura is fraught with toxicity. Much of their interaction is marked by hypervigilance, with each partner keenly aware of the other’s responses. Sauter presents both characters as deeply flawed, immature even, but his style is so charming and sincere, it is not hard to feel empathetic and root for their happiness. Still, I would not recommend the book to someone who needs a “likeable character” to feel invested in the narrative. Although, as a side note, it must be said that “Don’t Leave Me Alone” does not a have a narrative in the strictest sense – it is rather a collection of musings that move towards an inevitable end.
As a follow-up to “Ära jäta mind rahule” (2013), “Don’t Leave Me Alone” continues the exploration of Peeter’s life and his relationship with Laura. While the novel stands on its own, it gains additional depth for readers familiar with its predecessor. In 2023, Sauter published “Surm Bulgaarias” in which he returns to the characters of the first two novels.
Ultimately, for those willing to embrace its honesty and messiness, “Don’t Leave Me Alone” offers a deeply moving experience. Sauter’s ability to capture the essence of human vulnerability in all of his characters ensures that his work will disarm even most judgmental of readers.
[1] While the book cover states that it is the translation of „Ära jäta mind rahule“, it is actually a translation (somewhat) of the novel „Sa pead kedagi teenima“, personal communication with the translator.
[2] Peeter Sauter has actually translated Bukowski to Estonian.
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Tanooki press, 2023
Mirt Vissak
Tallinn Liivalaia library